just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
