So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Randomize
