Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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