apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Randomize
