If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
