she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
