i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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