Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Randomize
