Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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