I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Randomize
