Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize