Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
