we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
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