We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Randomize
