i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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