hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Randomize
