are you so shy because you have an std?
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
