Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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