im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
