So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Everyone says I win the strip club
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
