did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
