If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
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