Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Randomize
