Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
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