at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
