Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize
