omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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