Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
