There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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