btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Randomize
