Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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