imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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