Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
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