I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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