I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
