i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Randomize
