I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
