Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
