i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
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