If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I just cut my nipple shaving
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
