he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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