your thong is hanging out like whoa
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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