Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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