32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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