Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
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She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
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He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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