you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
