glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
