I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Reggie can tackle my bush.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
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