Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
