Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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