I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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