I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
