they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
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