No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
