she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
