Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
