I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
