He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
