you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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