Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize