I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
