someone threw a dead crab at me
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
