my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Randomize
