I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
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