I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
