i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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