Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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