If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
