my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
