It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
