I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
