AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I'm like, not good at living.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Randomize
