I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
