well I can't set my house on fire every night
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
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