I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
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